Gempar!: Logo Olimpik 2012 London menyerupai..

...Lisa Simpson memberi kerjakepala kepada Bart Simpson.

Go to hell with your Illuminati propagandas, Islamfags.

Misteri: Bunyi kucing di waktu pagi.

Cerita ni bukan cerita bohong. Sebab baru je berlaku dekat saya tadi.

Macam ni, malam tadi, seperti biasa, saya stay up tak tidur. Biasalah, remaja. Entah dalam sedang saya layan drama Gokusen, tiba-tiba saya terdengar bunyi kucing dari bawah kolej saya. Bunyinya seperti kesakitan. Meminta tolong. Saya awalnya buat tak tahu, yela, pukul 4 pagi. Siapa yang gila sangat nak pergi cari kucing waktu macam tu?

Dan setelah beberapa jam berlalu, bunyi kucing itu tidak berhenti. Sampai ke subuh. Saya mula pelik. Tak penatkah kucing itu? Tapi saya biarkan lagi, sebab keadaan di luar masih gelap. Saya agak penakut orangnya.

Namun dalam pukul 8.30 pagi macam tu, bunyi kucing itu masih tak berhenti. Perasaan saya yang takut tadi mula bertukar ke hairan. Amboi kau kucing, aku nak tidur ni, getus hati saya, agak menyirap. Saya suka kucing, saya tak kisah dia nak mengiau pun, tapi sampai 4 jam lebih ini sudah melampau.

Lalu saya mahu cari kucing itu, bukan mahu melempang kucing itu, tetapi mahu menolongnya. Saya terus menghubungi kawan saya, Anas melalui FB.

"nas"
"de bunyi kucing x?"
"jum cari"

"??"
"kucing mane plak bunyi taim ni? aku tak dengar pon"

"kuat kut"

"tadi ada la masuk bilik aku, aku kasi makan, dah chow dah"
"jap.. jom"

"dr aku naik td smpi skg"

"ko kat bilik mane"

"aku seram jd pelik"
"kat 315"
"dgr kat lua"
"jap aku trun"

Segera saya bersiap untuk turun ke bilik kawan saya itu. Dan secara tiba-tiba, baru sahaja saya menutup pintu, bunyi kucing itu hilang. Lagi saya hairan. Tiba-tiba hilang. Saya abaikan saja dan turun segera ke bilik kawan saya.

Setelah sampai, saya ceritakan semua pasal bunyi kucing tersebut. Dan kehilangan bunyi itu yang secara tiba-tiba. Anas dengan nada lawak dan berniat mahu menakutkan saya berkata, "Saka kucing tu." Saya gelak, ingin menutup perasaan takut dan hairan saya. Saya pun malas nak melayan Anas mahu menakutkan saya, segera ke bilik.

Dan hingga kini, suara misteri itu masih menghantui saya. Adakah kucing itu sudah diselamatkan? Atau sebenarnya itu suara makhluk Tuhan lain yang cuba mengganggu saya? Wallahualam, kalau betul itu suara kucing, saya harap dia selamat. Dan kalau betul ada orang yang sudah selamatkan dia, saya berterima kasih kepada orang tersebut.

Hello incik Wenger,

Nais jub.

Tulisan ini bertujuan untuk saya memberi sedikit pandangan dan cadangan kepada incik Wenger dalam pembelian pemain yang mantap untuk Arsenal mengharungi musim EPL hadapan dengan lebih jitu dan cemerlang.

Saya yakin dengan kredibiliti saya sebagai pemain Football Manager yang tegar, saya dapat membantu serba sedikit dalam urusan pembelian pemain oleh incik Wenger. Kalau incik Wenger tarak suka, jangan takut, saya masih suka Arsenal.

Sebelum itu, marilah kita bersama berdondang sayang mengkaji serba sedikit mengenai kelemahan Arsenal pada musim 2011/12. Seperti diketahui ramai, defend Arsenal adalah amat bodoh sekali. Dengan 49 gol bolos, Arsenal ikut level lebih teruk dari Sunderland (yang menduduki tempat ke-13 dalam liga). Kekurangan pengalaman juga menjadi punca utama Arsenal lemah dan longlai, dan ini boleh dilihat dengan jelas di perlawanan-perlawanan besar pada musim lalu. Oleh itu, pemilik Arsenal haruslah sedar, dan segera memberi incik Wenger duit jutaan pound untuk dibelanjakan.

Jadi, siapakah yang perlu/harus/wajib/difikirkan Arsenal beli?

1. Mamadou Sakho. (DF, PSG.)

Memang susah nak beli. Tapi kalau dapat, best tu.

2. Edin Dzeko. (ST, Man City.)

Dengar cerita nak kena jual. Memang kat MC jadi benchwarmer je, tapi kualiti tu still tinggi. Bayangkan Podolski, RVP, Dzeko. Nyum.

3. Yann M'Vila (DM, Rennes.)

Song? Meh. Beli ni, Song buat backup.

4. Lassana Diarra (DM, R. Madrid.)

Song? Meh. Beli ni, Song buat backup.

5. Ryan Shawcross (DF, Stoke.)

Bagus budak ni sebenarnya. Tunggu masa je nak main untuk England.

6. Marcel Schmelzer (LB, Dortmund)

Macam bagus je.

Dan sekarang, siapa perlu dijual: Chamakh, Squillaci, Diaby, dan sesiapa yang dirasakan sampah.

Diharap incik Wenger terbaca blog ini dan secara tidak langsung mendapat inspirasi dalam menguruskan Arsenal. Diharapkan juga RVP terus kekal di Arsenal selama-lamanya dan tolong jangan beli Benayoun. Tolong.

Nota bawah: Ada duit lebih, beli la Messi, Kompany, Rooney, Alves, dan semua pemain handalan. Buat dream team.

Lapuk: Cara menjadi artis.

Tambah

Tambah

Tambah

Yang penting kau lawa. Tak lawa, kau buat jela video 3gp masturbasi sorang-sorang, still ada orang nak tengok.

Kalau kau lelaki, jangan buat. Hilang nafsu aku.

Kumik Bangang #5

Snorlax,

Tidur, bangun, mandi, makan, tidur.

Habis exam jadi Snorlax la.

Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions

Q: Did you catch that fish?
A: No, I talked him into giving himself up.
A: No, I was sitting here minding my own business when the crazy thing jumped into my pail.
A: No, it's a plastic model to get people like you to start fascinating conversations.

Q: (from a woman just pulled over by a police officer) Did I do something wrong, officer?
A: No, today we're giving tickets out for doing things right.
A: No, I just got tired of lugging around these heavy summonses so I decided to give some of them away.
A: No, I'm giving a ticket to this crazy street because it's going the wrong way.

Q: (from a waiter, to a husband and wife) Table for how many?
A: A hundred and twelve -- we like to change seats every few minutes.
A: One -- my wife will sit on my shoulders.
A: I don't know -- I can't count that high, either.

Q: Were you sitting there?
A: No, my imaginary friend, (insert name), is sitting there.
A: No, I was sitting there.
A: Yes... and there... and there... and there!

Q: You're not going to wear THAT are you?
A: Actually, i was planning on going out naked.
A: Only if you don't like it

Q: (From lady to fellow bus-rider) Isn't my baby beautiful?
A: That's a baby?
A: Yes, in a Jabba-The-Hutt sort of way.
A: Yes, but not nearly as beautiful as this spit up on my coat.

0

0 is actually the identity element under addition for the real numbers, since if a is any real number,a + 0 = 0 + a = a. Mathematicians refers to 0 as the additive identity (or better said, the reflexive identity of addition).

Considered to be a purely imaginary number: 0 is the only complex number which is both real and purely imaginary.

By convention, you cannot divide any number by zero. In theory, zero multiplied by infinity is undetermined (as is zero divided by zero).

It is the only integer (actually, the only real number) that is neither negative nor positive. The question whether 'zero' is odd or even seems to be totally subjective!

Mathematical equations with one or more unknown factors are solved by equalizing them to zero.

is the number of n x n magic squares for n = 2.

The difference between 3, 30 and 300 is only some extra zeros, but those little circles are actually one of the world's greatest inventions! As early as 200 B.C., Hindu scholars were working with nine symbols and a dot that eventually would bring order out of a world of mathematical chaos. The dot and nine symbols were the earliest known forerunners of the numbers 0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9. Comprised of only ten symbols and based on multiples of ten, the Hindu numeral system was easily learned and easily used. Who first thought of using a dot (bindu, in sanskrit) as the tenth number is not known. But it can be supposed that a Hindu, working on his abacus, wanted to keep a written record of the answers on his abacus. One day he used a symbol '.' which he called shunya () to indicate a column on his counting board in which he had moved no beads... Shunya, the dot, was originally not zero the number, but merely a mark to indicate empty space.

The word "zero" was coined by the Italian mathematician Leonardo Pisano, said Fibonacci. He transformed the Arabic word 'صِفْر', sifr(from the semitic root s.p.r., 'empty') into Italian equivalent zefiro, shortened to zero afterwards.

Europe is divided into two regions: the 'zero region' (see above) and the 'nullus region' (nullus, 'zero' in Latin). The 'nullus region' includes the Germanic, the Skandinavian and some Slavonic countries.

The Greek word for zero is μηδεν, read as 'meden', which means, etymologically, not even one (i.e. nothing). The Oracle of Delphi in ancient Greece had a wise motto, like this: "meden agan" - nothing too much (or nothing in excess)

In Italian, the expression a chilometri zero (in zero kilometers from any location) means 'local'. For instance, un gelato a chilometri zero translates as 'an ice-cream produced with local products'.

"Wuji" (Number 0), in the Mystical Numbers of Taoism, represents the Null, the Chaos, the Origin and the End.

Kemenangan DSAI: Satu konspirasi Najib dan Mahkamah?

Ehem, korang pun tahu kan mahkamah telah membebaskan DSAI dari tuduhan paksajuburi Saiful Bukkake, eh Saiful Bukhari. Kemenangan DSAI dalam perbicaraan ini telah mendapat liputan meluas, dan dalam masa yang sama telah membuka mata dunia kepada negara kita. Lepas ni confirm makin ramai pelancong akan datang Malaya sebab Malaya dah terkenal. Haha.

Bagi aku kemenangan DSAI bersebab dan berkemungkinan. Mungkin mahkamah bebaskan Anwar sebab taknak penyokong dia merusuh kat luar tu, dan akibatnya mengganggu ketenteraman awam. Mungkin juga Pak Jib bini Rosmah dah suruh mahkamah bagi DSAI menang, sebab dia dah fikir kemungkinan tu. Yelah, kalau merusuh, habisla negara. Macam mana orang nak kerja, pergi melepak dekat mamak, mengayat anak dara/tak dara/bohsia bawah umur dan sebagainya. Bijak tak Pak Jib bini Rosmah kita tu? See, dia fikirkan kepentingan negara daripada maruah nama dia dan kerajaan. Jadi sokonglah kerajaan tanpa was-was dan pemikiran yang cerdik.

Akhir kata, doakan aku berjaya menjawab soalan Marketing pukul 2 nanti. Study pun macam tak study je.

Football Players' Trivias!: Manchester City

David SIlva: Of Asian descent on his mother's side, rumours began circulating that Silva was an excellent machete fighter. This has since been denied.

Yaya Toure: Yaya and Kolo's younger brother Ibrahim also plays professional football, as a striker for Smouha Sporting Club in Egypt, though he has never been capped by Ivory Coast.

Sergio Aguero: A cumbia band called Los Leales recorded a song with Sergio Aguero as the lead singer. The song was written in his honour and is called "El Kun Aguero".

Gael Clichy: Clichy almost died aged 15 when his heart stopped for 20 seconds during an operation. He had torn off a finger when vaulting a fence and needed surgery to have it reattached.

Joleon Lescott: Lescott finished the 2007-08 season with eight goals and more impressively as the Premier League's finest finisher, with a phenomenal goals-to-shots ratio of 42.1%. To put that into perspective, the next best was Yakubu, lagging way behind with 28.3%.

Micah Richards: His father, Lincoln, runs a Brazilian Soccer Schools franchise in Chapeltown, Leeds, where Micah grew up.